Danay's Step-by-Step Guide to Invasions
After many, many years of particpating in various invasions, I realized recently that there is a definite pattern to my involvement. So using that pattern as a reference, I have created this wonderful Guide to help my fellow adventurers enjoy invasions.
These easy to follow steps can be performed alone, but when done in the company of one or more friends, the enjoyment level increases exponentially.
1. Listen to the amulet to get an idea of what is attacking and where.
2. Use whatever scrolls and imbeds you have available to toss up some extra spells you do not normally use in the vain and unrealistically optimistic belief that they will actually make a difference.
3. Despite how dire the reports may be, run out to take a look for yourself, because if you do not you will die of curiosity right then and there.
4. Sense the death toll and realize from the names of people suffering their death throes that you have no business being out there.
5. Run around looking for the action anyway.
6. Find a lone foe and beat it into submission. This is most easily done when the lone foe is approximately twenty or more professional ranks below you.
7. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
8. Wander around looking for more action.
9. This step is optional, but it adds another story to your repertoire for when drinking with friends
a. Find some beasty you never heard of and stand and gawk at it while determing that it could probably wipe the floor with you.
b. Feeling cocky, take a swing at it anyway, drawing approximately 1-3 drops of blood.
c. Wonder if this is a good idea or not.
d. As you are wondering, get toppled to the ground by the heretofore unknown beasty and beat within an inch of your life.
e. Recover yourself enough to crawl away.
f. Tell everyone you see, once safety is reached, about your most impressive escape.
g. Wander back out looking for more action holding the mistaken belief that surving once means you will survive again.
11. Shriek a few times and run quickly away every time you run into hordes of the enemy.
12. Think about what a grand time you are having.
13. Find a lone foe that is a serious match for you and kill it.
14. Howl a few times and strut around.
15. Run around some more acting as if you are actually a meaningful combatant in the invasion.
16. As your luck runs out die a horrible, yet glorious, death.
17. While lying there in a pool of your own blood, regale any nearby corpses with the gruesome details of your glorious death.
18. Get dragged around like a sack of potatoes.
19. Once safely stacked on the pile of corpses in a Sanctuary, regale everyone there with the gruesome details of your glorious death.
20. Get resurrected from the dead.
21. Resurrect a couple bodies while recovering to give yourself a sense of worth. (For non-clerics, flask incoming corpses, send mana, or provide spells and herbs.)
22. Ponder the wisdom of spelling back up and heading once more into the fray.
23. If wisdom is lacking, go back to Step 6 and repeat.
If you follow these easy steps you too can find invasions to be an enjoyable adventure!