Danay & Juspera in the

Garden of Good & Evil

 

This log may not end up being of interest to anyone, but since it was primarily a long conversation between two people it was easy to edit compared to most logs so I figured since I had it I might as well use it. The conversation itself is not edited, just extra noise from people on the amulet and deaths and that sort of thing are removed.

This conversation took place during the GSS on 11-24-02 in Ta'Vaalor. The references to Juspera torturing someone had to do with her capture and torture of Alisaire by pulling out her fingernails after Alisaire had found part of the Griffon Sword and delivered it to an avatar of the Dark Alliance. Juspera was being hounded from both sides because despite all her statements of wanting to be good, her actions often bespoke other, much darker things. The previous night Siwas, a devout Mularos follower, had a long talk with Juspera about that very thing, trying to get Juspera to admit that she was very well suited to following Mularos.

Danay had known Juspera for quite some time, mostly because both of them tended to hang out at Hearthstone Manor in Wehnimer's, but I wouldn't exactly describe them as friends. Danay had seen a lot of what Juspera had been struggling with and being concerned about her had offered to try and help Juspera discover where her heart should be leading her. As you'll see from the conversation, Danay failed miserably at that. The conversation is between two characters who have completely different world views, backgrounds, and issues driving them as individuals and neither of them ends up relating very well to how the other sees things.

What's interesting to me reading through the conversation now years later is how I missed some clues at the time that Danay should have picked up on and tried to persue to get at the heart of what was driving Juspera. But hindsight is 20/20 and conversations tend to have a life of their own, especially this one where Danay was repeatedly going off on tangents with Juspera from what she was primarily trying to accomplish.

---

 

You say, "Ah here."

>go step
[Marble Springs, Shard]
Four sets of stone steps descend into this alabaster-tiled depression in the center of the neighborhood. A massive shard of gold-veined quartz protrudes from the center of the depression, its faceted tip seeming to glow with a pale light under the dark night sky. A natural spring gurgles about its base, forming bubbling fountains and small pools which dapple the area. Small ferns and delicate mosses flourish in small cracks between the silvery, moonlit streams of water. You also see an ivy-covered cherrywood chateau, a plain residence, a plain residence and a vine-laden marble urn.
Obvious paths: north, east, south, west

Mnar and Juspera followed.

You point at a massive quartz shard.

>look shard
Standing nearly ten feet in height, the massive quartz shard is lined with thin, twisting veins of gold. Smaller shards of faceted quartz protrude from around its base, where a few small springs have sprung up, their gurgling water forming small pools across the area.

>Mnar nods.

>A pale golden margay saunters in.

>Juspera blinks.

>Juspera says, "Whoa."

>Juspera says, "Neat."

You nod to Juspera.

You smile.

You say, "I like the sound of the water, tis soothing."

You sit down.

s>Juspera sits down.

s>Juspera says, "Soothing is good."

Juspera gets an odd look on her face for a moment.

s>You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Most of the time."

s>Mnar sits down.

You gaze with interest at a massive quartz shard.

You timidly pet the margay.

You lean back.

Mnar rubs the margay, scratching her behind the ears.

s>Juspera says, "All right, you know I was talking to Siwas last night."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "For a very long time."

s>l in rob
In the elven-crafted robe you see an elegant black silk gem pouch, a compact traveling cake, a crystal amulet, some cactacae spine, an elegant rosewood locket, a black potion, a dark russet scroll, an ancient scroll, a multihued moonglae opal shard, a raven-capped staff, a glass amulet, a crisp umber scroll, a small leather-bound tome, a wide gold ring and a silvergilt blue haon mandolin.

s>Juspera nods.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera pets the margay.

s>(Juspera tries to pull the margay into her lap.)

s>Juspera says, "And I feel kind of ashamed to say this."

You give your eyebrow a little workout.

s>Juspera says, "But the more she talked, the more logical things sounded."

Juspera says, "Now when I woke up this morning..."

s>You nod to Juspera.

You glance at a glass amulet.

Juspera says, "All I could think about was how horrible Harith was."

s>Juspera glances at you.

You ask, "And....?"

s>Juspera asks, "And what?"

You say, "Oh, I thought there was more."

s>Juspera says, "Oh, but last night, it was just like Mularos was the warm milk and cookies of the arkati."

s>Mnar raises an eyebrow in Juspera's direction.

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

You ask, "Soo....what do you think about all that?"

s>Juspera says, "It was very confusing."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Siwas kept saying she wasn't trying to corrupt me."

s>Juspera says, "Though she also said she wasn't spending all this time with me because she cared about me."

s>Juspera says, "The only reasoning she gave was that she hated lies."

You say, "Hmmm...."

s>Juspera says, "And she seems to think I'm lying about who I 'really am.'"

s>Juspera says, "Just like everyone who wants me to join the other side."

You nod to Juspera.

You shift your weight.

You fidget.

s>Juspera glances at you.

Juspera asks, "What?"

s>You swear under your breath.

You say, "I need to admit something...."

You mutter something inaudible.

s>Juspera blinks at you.

You say, "And admitting it just may breach what little trust there was....but I feel even worse not admitting it...."

s>Juspera nods.

You blush a nice shade of rosy pink.

You remove a glass amulet from in your elven-crafted robe.

(Danay dangles the amulet from her finger)

s>Juspera's jaw drops.

You clear your throat.

s>Mnar blinks.

s>Juspera shakes her head.

s>Juspera says, "I don't believe it."

You say, "I never even would have thought of it if it had not been for Armaxis the other night."

s>Mnar says, "I'm impressed."

s>Juspera asks, "How much did you see?"

s>Mnar nods to you.

You say, "Well I am not sure, I would say the middle part."

s>Juspera scowls at you.

You say, "I got scared it would wear off, I am not familiar with wizard spells."

s>Juspera asks, "What was the last thing you saw?"

You say, "Eh, I cannot remember specifically, it seemed you had started going in circles...."

s>Juspera says, "We did a lot of that."

You say, "I was concerned because you were talking so long."

s>Mnar rolls his eyes.

You say, "And...I am very sorry, because I had no right to listen in on a private conversation."

You put a glass amulet in your elven-crafted robe.

Juspera sighs.

s>Juspera says, "I think you are sorry."

You say, "I started getting really worried about being found out, so did not really listen well to the last part."

s>Juspera says, "I am hurt but I'm glad you told me."

s>Juspera nods.

s>You nod.

You fidget.

You say, "I have never done anything like that before, I am not sure what got into me."

You say, "I have had that amulet for years and probably rubbed it all of twice."

s>Juspera says, "We've all been acting strange some nights."

You slowly and deliberately empty your filled lungs.

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "I will say....Siwas is very smooth."

You say, "I am not sure that I would have been able to resist her."

s>Juspera asks, "You think?"

s>Juspera bites her lip.

You say, "Oh aye, very."

s>Juspera asks, "So you don't believe anything she said?"

You say, "I did not say that."

You say, "Gods, how to put this...."

You rub your chin thoughtfully.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

You say, "She is right about a lot of it you know."

s>Juspera asks, "What parts?"

You shift your weight.

You say, "You do seem to....take pleasure in what you have done."

s>Juspera bites her lip.

signal This is all going oddly, originally I had wanted to tell you that this may all seem like something new.
s>Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>signal But that our brief conversation in front of the Temple in the Landing has stayed with me, I have thought about it.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>signal And I feel that it is all tied together.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>signal I was not expecting Mnar, so it makes that part of things a bit tricky to discuss.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Mnar nods to Juspera.

s>Juspera glances at Mnar.

You say, "Eh, I am losing my train of thought."

s>Juspera signals, "Oh, should we ditch Mnar for a bit?"

s>signal Nay, it is not needed, but I just wanted you to know that this was not like some sudden interest, that I had been thinking of that before.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>signal And the rest can be discussed another time if you wish.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera signals, "A sudden interest on whose part? Yours?"

s>signal Aye.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera bites her lip.

You say, "When I spoke to you briefly the other night...."

s>Juspera signals, "Sure, we can talk about that later."

You say, "I said that if you wished, I would help you try and find out what is in your heart."

You say, "This conversation is not me trying to talk you into anything or try and preach to you the one true way."

s>Juspera nods to you.

You say, "To be perfectly honest, I am rather confused about some things lately as well."

s>Juspera squirms.

You say, "And a conversation with Ysharra earlier is what sent me headed here to the shrine."

s>Juspera asks, "What kind of a conversation?"

You say, "She..."

You glance at Mnar.

You say, "Was talking about...was it just last night? "

You say, "You know...."

You cringe.

You say, "The tongue."

s>Juspera says, "Oh yeah."

You say, "And what she has discovered for herself from all that."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera asks, "Did I tell you last night she was being so nice and understanding with me?"

s>Juspera says, "It was disturbing."

s>Mnar asks, "Oh.. you heard about that?"

You say, "That is part of it I think."

You nod to Mnar.

s>Juspera says, "I told her."

s>Mnar mutters under his breath.

You say, "Juspera told me...eh...at the time she was concerned about you."

s>Juspera says, "When I left you in the hall of patrons."

s>Mnar says, "Harith intervened."

s>Juspera says, "I had to talk to someone."

s>Juspera idly scratches herself on the neck.

You nod to Mnar.

(Danay visibly tries to gather her thoughts into some sort of order)

You say, "You seem terribly torn Juspera, and it is not doing you or anyone else any good."

s>Juspera bites her lip.

s>Juspera says, "That's exactly what Mithumbras said to me."

You say, "He knows you pretty well I would think."

s>Juspera idly picks at some blue front-laced boots.

You say, "But unlike anyone else, I do not really have a personal stake in....what you decide for yourself. So I thought perhaps a more neutral person would...help."

s>Juspera nods.

s>Juspera says, "Well, you make it sound like my deciding what's best for me is the right thing to do. Siwas and Eryael tried to say the same thing."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Mnar rubs his chin thoughtfully.

Juspera says, "Like the right thing to do is just to focus on my own needs."

You say, "You keep saying you want to be good."

s>Juspera says, "Which it's not, I know it's not."

s>Juspera glances at you.

You say, "Goodness is not in what you say or think...tis in what you do."

You ask, "If I say all the right words and talk about honor, but do not act honorably, am I honorable?"

s>Juspera says, "No, of course not."

You lean forward.

You say, "Then remember that."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera says, "Yeah, but."

s>Juspera says, "I do act honorably."

You say, "You can be whatever you want to be Juspera, tis in your power, no one elses."

s>Juspera says, "Most of the time."

You say, "Ripping the fingernails off of someone is not an honorable act."

s>Juspera scowls at you.

You say, "I am not here telling you that you need to be honorable."

s>Juspera says, "Just punishment is honorable."

s>Juspera asks, "And what good is it if it doesn't hurt?"

s>Juspera scratches her chin.

s>Mnar says, "No punishments are honorable."

s>Juspera says, "Justice is honorable. Justice involves punishment."

s>Mnar nods.

You ask, "And the form of punishment has no meaning?"

You ask, "Why were you REALLY doing that Juspera?"

s>Mnar says, "But the actual punishment, harming a helpless person.. itis not dishonorable, perhaps, but it is not honorable."

You say, "Be honest with yourself."

s>Juspera scowls at you.

s>Juspera says, "Honor depends on context."

s>Juspera says, "I was doing it because I told Alisaire I would."

You say, "I think we are getting sidetracked over a word."

s>Juspera says, "And I had to follow through."

You say, "Why did you? What was the burning need to harm her? For YOU, not for anyone else. You took it upon yourself to do that."

s>Juspera says, "Because..."

s>Juspera says, "It's wrong to hand over a piece of the sword."

You ponder.

s>Juspera says, "No one should be able to get away with that."

s>Juspera says, "Unharmed."

You say, "But she did get away with it."

s>Juspera says, "No she didn't."

s>Juspera says, "She is getting killed and maimed and everything."

Juspera fidgets.

s>You say, "Gods, I know what is in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting things into words as to what I mean."

You say, "Aye she is."

s>Juspera says, "See, that's what she gets."

You say, "And it changes nothing, the piece is already given."

s>Juspera says, "You can't let people go unpunished for doing terrible things."

s>You ask, "But we are still dancing around. Is it really about the sword Juspera?"

s>Juspera says, "That's the... wrongest thing in the whole world."

s>Juspera squirms.

You say, "Forget the sword, that is background, it is context. The things we do...at any time..."

You say, "They come from within us."

s>Juspera says, "It's about someone doing a bad thing. Didn't have to be the sword."

You ask, "So are you now the punisher of all wrongs in the world?"

s>Juspera says, "No, only what I can."

You say, "That is a lot of fingernails to rip off."

>You shudder.

You ask, "And who does this serve?"

s>(Juspera runs her tongue over her bottom lip.)

You cock your head at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Everybody."

s>Juspera says, "Except the people who did wrong."

You say, "I do not feel served by it."

s>Juspera says, "People need to know other people can't get away with doing the wrong thing."

s>Mnar says, "Do not think we are limited to fingernails, Danay."

s>Juspera glances at Mnar.

You say, "Nay, tis just an example."

s>Mnar says, "Our imagination has not yet been exhausted."

s>Juspera says, "Because if someone hurts you and they never get punished, you can't... get on with your life."

(Danay glances at Mnar and shudders slightly)

You say, "Ah...."

You ask, "Why not?"

You peer quizzically at Juspera.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Mnar rubs the margay, scratching her behind the ears.

s>Juspera says, "Because."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Mnar says, "Symetry."

You ask, "Because why?"

s>Juspera says, "You'll always know they hurt you and they're just out there laughing about it."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "And their punishment, whatever it may be, does not change the fact that someone has harmed us in some manner."

s>Juspera says, "It never goes away."

s>Juspera says, "No, but it makes them shut up."

s>Juspera says, "It makes them sorry."

You ask, "Has Alisaire shut up?"

You say, "I do not believe she is sorry in the least."

s>Juspera says, "I haven't done enough, then."

s>Juspera says, "She'll be sorry some day."

You say, "Do not get me wrong, I am not claiming that there is no need for punishments."

You say, "You cannot make her sorry Juspera, she is doing what she knows to be right for her."

s>Juspera says, "She's going to be sorry."

You say, "She is acting from within, she knows what she has done."

s>Juspera clenches her jaw.

s>Juspera idly picks at some blue front-laced boots.

You say, "I keep allowing things to get sidetracked..."

You say, "Forget the sword and Alisaire...this is about you."

You ask, "What do you want for yourself?"

You say, "Not anyone else, not world justice."

You ask, "What do YOU want?"

s>(Juspera stares off at the springs.)

s>Juspera says, "You know what I want. I want to do good."

s>Juspera says, "So when I die they say..."

You cock your head at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "She did some bad things, but in the end, she did a lot of good."

You nod to Juspera.

You ask, "What do you consider good?"

s>Juspera says, "Keeping the Alliance from winning."

s>Juspera bites her lip.

You say, "Forget the Alliance, I am talking on a personal level. "

s>Juspera says, "Ponter asked us how come we didn't help the poor and the sick, since we were so righteous."

s>Juspera says, "And I would."

s>Juspera says, "But I'm just no good at it."

s>Juspera says, "I know what I'm good at."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "Knowing what we are good at is important."

s>Juspera nods.

You ask, "So for you, what is being good? Just you, as Juspera?"

s>Juspera says, "I don't know if there is a personal level. This battle is so much more important than I am."

You give a sigh of exasperation.

s>Juspera says, "Being... following the right gods."

You ask, "And who is to say who is the right god?"

You say, "What I say will be vastly different than what Armaxis says."

s>Juspera says, "Everyone knows."

s>Juspera says, "Everyone who has any sense knows."

s>Juspera says, "All of Lornon has no problems with hurting innocents."

s>Juspera says, "That's wrong."

You say, "All right, pick a good Arkati."

You say, "Any of them."

s>Juspera says, "Koar."

You say, "Hmm...."

You chuckle.

s>Juspera appears to be trying hard not to grin.

You ask, "And what if Koar does not count because he is actually a drake?"

You say, "You notice he holds himself separate from the others."

s>Juspera says, "You just don't want Koar to count."

s>Juspera says, "Because you can't make your argument."

You say, "Nay, that is not it."

You say, "Tis because he is different."

s>Juspera scowls at you.

You exclaim, "Well he is!"

You ask, "How much do we even know about him?"

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera says, "Siwas said he was asleep."

You say, "There was an ancient I met a few months ago...."

s>Juspera says, "And even if he ever helped me I'd be an old woman."

s>Juspera says, "Elf."

You say, "More ancient really than I can grasp."

You say, "We assisted him in setting free some of the darken."

You say, "He said he served the drake, Koar."

Juspera blinks.

s>Mnar leans back.

s>Juspera nods to you.

You say, "So pick an Arkati who we know something about."

You grin at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "But wait."

You give your eyebrow a little workout.

s>Juspera asks, "Did that ancient guy say anything about Koar?"

You say, "Nay, just said he had served him, which of course I found terribly fascinating."

s>Juspera blinks.

s>Juspera sighs.

s>Juspera says, "All right, Lumnis."

You say, "But he was not very interested in divulging much information, much to my dismay."

You say, "All right Lumnis."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

You exclaim, "Gods, now I forgot my question!"

s>Mnar gazes up into the heavens.

You ask, "What makes her good?"

s>Juspera says, "Oh."

s>Juspera says, "She helps people."

s>Juspera says, "She came to give us her wisdom at the Council of Gods years ago."

You ask, "Is helping people the only sign of goodness?"

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "And she protected Vonka from Mularos."

s>Juspera says, "Well she also is loyal to Koar."

s>Juspera says, "That's good."

(Danay rubs her forehead with her fingers)

Juspera says, "And you never do hear of her lying to people."

You say, "So Lumnis is good because she is loyal to Koar and she helps people."

s>Juspera says, "Or murdering them."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Or tort--"

You lean back.

s>Juspera says, "Doing things to them they don't deserve."

You ask, "If Lumnis gave information to a band of thugs and helped them harm others, would she be good?"

s>Juspera says, "No."

You ask, "Why?"

s>Juspera says, "Unless she tried her best and still made a mistake."

s>Juspera says, "Giving information... just like, say, giving away a piece of the griffin sword... requires a context to be judged."

s>Juspera says, "Depends who you give it to and what they're going to do with it."

s>Juspera says, "If you're helping them hurt people..."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

You listen carefully to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "That's wrong then."

You ask, "If Lumnis was upset with Eorgina, and captured a group of Eorgina's priestesses, and burned them at the stake to teach them all a lesson...would that be good?"

s>Juspera says, "No no no."

s>Juspera asks, "Why are you asking that?"

s>Mnar rubs the margay, scratching her behind the ears.

s>Juspera says, "I don't think Siwas's being burned at the stake was good."

You say, "Because I am trying to figure out where you draw the lines."

s>Juspera says, "Oh."

You say, "Why do you think that was not good and your actions....."

You raise an eyebrow in Juspera's direction.

s>Juspera says, "First, it's impractical. We were told it would taint the hilt she held."

s>Juspera says, "To harm her."

s>Juspera says, "Second, there was still hope for her."

s>Juspera says, "She hadn't given up the piece yet."

s>Juspera says, "She should have been courted, not burned."

You say, "But it was clear what her intentions were."

s>Juspera says, "Intentions are just intentions."

s>Juspera says, "They can change."

s>Juspera says, "The past can't."

You say, "Aye, that is right, it cannot."

You say, "Nothing we do today, will change anything about the past."

s>Juspera pets the margay.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>(Juspera leans over and blows a puff of air into the margay's coat.)

s>Mnar grins at Juspera.

s>Mnar timidly pets the margay.

You say, "I fear that I have not been as helpful as I was hoping, sometimes I feel like I can see things so clearly, but then cannot express it."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera says, "Maybe you've expressed it and I just don't agree."

You say, "Nay. I have not, my meaning is still unclear."

s>Juspera says, "But I don't know, I think the important thing is that even if I were somehow happier 'embracing' violence, that's no reason to embrace it."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

You say, "Siwas and others see in you things that would serve Mularos well."

You ask, "So instead you are violent and then deny it?"

You ask, "What purpose does that serve?"

s>Juspera says, "I never denied that I've done violent things."

You say, "But you deny their meanings much of the time."

s>Juspera says, "I do."

s>Juspera says, "I do."

s>Juspera says, "I do these things for justice."

s>Juspera says, "They say I do them for passion."

s>Juspera says, "But they're wrong."

s>Juspera says, "Of course I deny it."

s>Mnar rubs the margay, scratching her behind the ears.

You ask, "Are they so wrong?"

You say, "I feel a strong sense of what is just."

You say, "But I do not feel torn about my actions."

s>Juspera says, "I told you I get angry sometimes. I got too angry with Alisaire. But I don't hurt people BECAUSE I'm angry."

s>Juspera says, "I just happen to be angry doing it."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

(Danay rubs her forehead again)

s>Juspera says, "Sometimes I feel a little torn. Or doubtful."

s>Juspera says, "I tell you, if I didn't, then something would be wrong."

s>Juspera says, "Because acting with no doubt is what makes you a zealot."

You say, "Well I suppose you have a point there."

You ask, "But then is not acting, saying you are taking on the justice of the world, the act of a zealot?"

s>Juspera says, "Someone has to do it."

s>Juspera says, "People must take on the job of judging, or no juding will get done at all."

You ask, "And why is it your job?"

You ask, "Is it your job because you LIKE punishing other people?"

s>Mnar asks, "Who else will do it? You?"

s>Juspera says, "Because we should all do good things, but it's better to do what you're good at."

s>Juspera says, "No, because I know what... hurts."

s>Juspera nods to Mnar.

s>Mnar says, "Somebody has to do the unpleasant jobs."

You say, "Nay, not me, because I already know it serves no purpose. It has accomplished exactly nothing, aside from strengthen their resolve."

s>Juspera says, "Come on."

s>Juspera says, "People keep saying that."

Juspera says, "But we must be the most self-centered people in the world, adventurers."

s>You ask, "And you find it to be false?"

s>Juspera asks, "What about all the commoners?"

s>Juspera says, "We never seem to talk to them."

s>Juspera asks, "How do they feel when someone like Siwas justs hands them to their doom, and nothing happens to her?"

s>Juspera asks, "I feel powerless sometimes against the dark alliance. What about them?"

s>Juspera says, "They're relying on us to do things."

You say, "Most of them probably have no idea what is even going on."

>You chuckle.

s>Juspera says, "Think of the anger that cripples their lives when they see Siwas just hand a piece over, and go on her merry way."

s>Juspera scowls at you.

You say, "You must admit we are an odd lot."

s>Juspera asks, "The Landing was burnt to the ground, Solhaven was occupied for days. Commoners themselves burnt Siwas at the stake. How can people not know?"

You ask, "And so, your harming Alisaire, which most of the common people will never even hear of, helped them feel better how?"

s>Juspera says, "Oh, they'll hear of it."

s>Juspera says, "Once I do it right anyway."

You blink at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "I will make sure everyone knows."

You ask, "You are not done?"

s>Mnar snorts.

s>Mnar asks, "Is the war over?"

You say, "Nay."

s>Juspera says, "I believe Harith came into Alisaire while I was... doing it, and took her pain."

s>Juspera says, "And anyway."

s>Juspera says, "Even if she had felt it, it's only a fraction of what she deserves."

You say, "But then, I am getting the feeling that this is simply the Arkati using us for their play toys. I would not exactly call it a war."

s>Juspera says, "Maybe not a war."

You say, "Then we get back to my original thoughts. Good, evil....these are all concepts, words we can throw around."

You say, "But your actions are what people will see and judge by."

s>Juspera says, "There is good and evil."

You say, "And you will always be torn if your actions do not truly speak what you believe and your beliefs do not match your actions."

s>Juspera says, "Yeah, but."

s>Juspera says, "They do."

You say, "If there is good and evil, then my judgement is that torture of another is an evil act."

You say, "Even when done because someone says it is for the sake of good, the act is forever evil."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

You say, "You said "but they do"."

s>Juspera says, "My actions speak what I believe."

You ask, "So you believe that good is accomplished with evil?"

s>Juspera says, "No, because I don't believe torture is evil."

s>Juspera says, "It depends on what you're doing with it."

s>Mnar says, "No more evil than any other punishments"

s>Juspera says, "Just like the example of Lumnis giving information to thugs."

s>Juspera nods.

You shake your head.

s>Mnar stands up.

s>Juspera says, "Once somebody's done something as bad as Alisaire, it hardly matters what you do to them anyway."

You say, "I do not believe that intentions define things."

s>Mnar's brow wrinkles as if in deep thought.

s>Juspera says, "It can never be as bad as what they did."

s>Mnar says, "I'm afraid I'll have to leave you ladies to debate."

s>A pale golden margay scrambles back up onto her feet.

You nod to Mnar.

s>Mnar says, "Kris har'seh."

s>Juspera stands up.

s>Juspera curtsies to Mnar.

s>Mnar bows.

>You say, "Fare well Mnar."

s>Mnar just went north.

s>Juspera sits down.

s>Juspera rubs her eyes.

You sigh.

You say, "Let me ask you this...."

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "If Siwas believes that it is wrong for those of Liabo to have the sword, and that the good and right thing to do is make sure her Lord has part of it...."

You say, "And then she tortured someone in order to get the piece."

You say, "Her intentions are good."

s>Juspera says, "No they're not."

You say, "To do what she believes is right."

s>Juspera says, "She just thinks they are."

You ask, "Why is she wrong?"

s>Juspera says, "It's wrong to support people who hurt innocents."

s>Juspera says, "I told you that."

s>Juspera folds her arms over her chest.

You ponder.

You shake your head, totally at a loss.

s>Juspera removes a soft rose petal from in her cloak.

s>Juspera says, "You didn't see Eryael come, did you."

You say, "When you were with Alisaire in that cave, what was in your hear...."

You blink at Juspera.

You say, "Nay."

s>Juspera slowly empties her lungs.

s>Juspera rubs her chin thoughtfully.

You ask, "So...Eryael came and paid you a visit?"

s>Juspera nods.

s>Juspera clears her throat.

You say, "Somehow I do not find that surprising."

s>Juspera whines.

You peer quizzically at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Siwas didn't seem too surprised either."

You say, "I must say, I was quite impressed with Siwas."

s>Juspera says, "In fact if I was even more suspicious, I'd say she kept me there that long just to give him time to show up."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera asks, "You didn't see me do anything embarrassing, did you?"

You say, "She knows where she stands."

You ask, "Embarassing?"

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "You seemed upset and miserable."

You say, "When uh...I was thinking to you....I uh...was there."

You blush a nice shade of rosy pink.

s>Juspera stares at you.

You hang your head.

s>Juspera says, "People."

s>Juspera says, "People are driving me up the wall."

You say, "I am terrible, my curiosity gets the best of me."

>You fidget.

s>Juspera says, "Well."

s>Juspera says, "That'll teach me to be more careful."

s>Juspera says, "Better you than someone else."

s>Juspera says, "And like I said, I'm glad you told me."

You say, "Aye, I learned that with Armaxis the other night."

You say, "I would have felt even worse not telling you."

s>Juspera says, "I'm upset but I take your apology."

You say, "I do take trust seriously, and though tis not like we have really established much between us, it was still a breach of trust."

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "Now I could say...."

You grin at Juspera.

Juspera says, "I'm sure I would feel worse if I found out that you'd done it, and then hidden it from me for as long as you could."

s>You say, "That the ends justified the means, as I was concerned about you."

s>Juspera grumbles.

You say, "But that would be a lie."

s>Juspera starts chuckling at you!

s>Juspera says, "I'm curious too."

You say, "Not the concerned part, but that it justified my actions."

s>Juspera nods.

You ask, "So what did Eryael have to say?"

s>A pained expression crosses Juspera's face.

s>Juspera says, "It was awful, Danay."

s>Juspera says, "Just awful."

You frown.

You ask, "What did he do?"

s>Juspera says, "Earlier I had told Siwas I wasn't afraid of him."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "I said if he showed up, I'd kick him."

s>Juspera says, "And she said I wouldn't be able to once I heard his voice."

s>Juspera says, "Which I thought was ridiculous."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "Now, the other night, after I was done with Alisaire..."

s>Juspera says, "Ulstram had been whispering to me."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "Helping me get my anger under control."

s>Juspera says, "It was sort of comforting."

You smile.

s>Juspera says, "So on the rooftop, when I heard a soft voice saying comforting things, I thought it might be him."

You say, "Ah."

>You nod.

s>Juspera says, "I was worried because there were no warnings. Just nice things."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "But I called out aloud for Ulstram."

s>look jusp
You see Juspera Spintari.
She appears to be a Dark Elf.
She appears to be very young and shorter than average. She has brown eyes and pale skin. She has long, braided red hair. She has a coiled argent dragon tattoo on her arm.
She has some minor cuts and bruises on her left leg, and some minor cuts and bruises on her right arm.
She is holding a soft rose petal in her right hand.
She is wearing a platinum-set mistwood ring, a silver-inlaid pale sapphire choker, a burnished imflass buckler, a cloak, a silver-edged blue pelican feather, an Argent Aspis pin, a frog skin pouch, some blue front-laced boots, a tightly woven fishnet satchel, a silk-lined imflass mail bodice, a knee-length blue velvet skirt, some light pliant brigandine laced over the open joints in braided suede, and a gold ring.

s>Juspera says, "And..."

(Juspera's mouth turns down at the corners as she remembers back.)

(Danay listens intently)

s>Juspera says, "Siwas shook her head at me and said... Not Ulstram... at the exact same moment I just knew who it was."

You ask, "How did you know?"

s>Juspera fidgets.

s>Juspera says, "I had this awful sense in my chest."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "And not long before..."

s>Juspera says, "A wind came and whipped all these rose petals around us."

s>Juspera says, "Which wasn't a big deal since there are rose bushes up there."

s>Juspera says, "But with the voice, it was suspicious."

You ask, "Is that where you got the one in your hand then?"

s>Juspera fidgets.

s>Juspera says, "Uh.... yes..."

s>Juspera glances at a soft rose petal.

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "That's where I got it."

(I had meant to go back and ask her why she was hanging on to it since it was a "gift" from Evryel, avatar of Mularos, but then as the conversation went on I forgot about it again. Darn it!)

s>Juspera says, "He kept calling me lovely elf."

s>Juspera shudders.

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "And saying..."

s>Juspera says, "I didn't have to be guilty..."

s>Juspera says, "Or in pain..."

s>Juspera says, "You know."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "I just had this awful feeling in my chest."

s>Juspera says, "I thought I was going to throw up."

You rub Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "I told him I didn't come east to join him, I came to fight him."

s>Juspera shivers.

You ponder.

s>Juspera says, "I basically challenged him."

s>Juspera says, "And he came into view."

Juspera bites her lip.

s>You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "And he was smiling and relaxed."

s>Juspera says, "And he was not armed and not in a fighting stance."

You say, "Aye, he does not seem the fighter type."

s>Juspera says, "I felt so awful."

s>Juspera says, "Really like I was going to be sick."

s>Juspera says, "I just wanted to get out of there."

s>Juspera says, "But Siwas was grabbing on my arm."

You ask, "Why? Nothing you have told me sounds very threatening or bad?"

s>Juspera whimpers.

s>Juspera fidgets.

You cock your head at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "It was awful."

s>Juspera says, "He kept smiling at me and saying nice things."

s>Juspera says, "I just couldn't think."

>You say, "Oh yes, that sounds horrid."

s>Juspera says, "I never did kick him."

s>Juspera nods.

s>Juspera says, "Or anything else."

s>Juspera says, "It didn't even occur to me to alert the town."

You say, "Tis hard to kick someone saying nice things to you."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera says, "And he knew things."

s>Juspera says, "Things about me I haven't told hardly anyone."

You ponder.

You say, "I suppose that is not so surprising."

You say, "They have their ways."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>Juspera says, "Siwas said Mularos understood all my pain."

s>Juspera says, "Anyway."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "He probably does."

s>Juspera bites her lip.

s>Juspera trembles.

s>Juspera says, "I don't know what happened."

You peer quizzically at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Eryael was coming towards me and the next thing I knew Siwas was in my face."

s>Juspera says, "I was on the ground."

You try to figure out how to ignore yourself.

s>Juspera says, "She was telling me to snap out of it."

s>Juspera says, "Eryael was gone."

s>You ask, "He struck you?"

s>Juspera blinks.

s>Juspera says, "Oh, he must have."

s>Juspera says, "That must have been it."

You say, "Hmm."

s>Juspera blushes a delicate shade of pink.

You say, "Well that is not so embarassing, I would imagine he is quite strong."

You ponder.

You ask, "Though why would he hit you after being so nice?"

s>Juspera says, "Uh."

s>Juspera says, "That's... that's probably their way."

s>Juspera says, "You know."

s>Juspera says, "Be nice to you and then hit you."

You say, "Perhaps."

You say, "But if he is trying to win you over, that would not be the way to go about it."

s>Juspera whimpers.

(I think she fainted and was too embarassed to admit it so I let her slide on that.)

s>(Juspera turns and presses her face against your sleeve.)

You glance with concern at Juspera.

You ask, "What is wrong?"

s>Juspera says, "I don't know."

s>(Juspera's voice comes out muffled and thick.)

(Danay awkwardly wraps an arm around your shoulders)

s>think to danayYou think to yourself for awhile...

sR>Juspera sniffs.

sR>Juspera says, "He would have let me tear him up."

s>Juspera says, "I know it."

s>Juspera says, "It's not right."

You ponder.

You say, "He might have."

s>You nod.

s>Juspera asks, "I could have flayed all the skin from him and he would have smiled at me and said... there, doesn't that feel better?"

s>Juspera groans.

s>Juspera says, "I feel so sick."

s>(Juspera smooshes her nose against your arm.)

You ask, "Would it have felt better?"

You wrinkle your nose.

s>Juspera shudders.

(Danay glances at her sleeve with concern)

s>Juspera quietly says, "Yeah."

You ask, "Why?"

s>Juspera shrugs.

s>Juspera sniffs.

You frown.

s>Juspera says, "I think I would have thrown up though."

You ask, "Did you throw up when you did that to Alisaire?"

s>Juspera shakes her head.

s>Juspera says, "No."

You nod.

s>Juspera says, "I didn't feel sick at all."

s>Juspera leans back.

You dust yourself off.

You say, "What if...."

You say, "What if you had decided he was right? "

You ask, "And Siwas was right?"

s>Juspera squirms.

s>Juspera says, "It doesn't bear thinking."

s>Juspera says, "That's too much."

You ask, "Would it not feel better to finally be at peace?"

s>Juspera whines.

s>(Juspera pulls her knees up to her chest.)

(Danay rests her chin on her knee, gazing at you)

s>Juspera buries her face in her hands.

s>Juspera says, "It's so tempting."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera slowly empties her lungs.

s>Juspera says, "There, I said it."

s>Juspera says, "I'm tempted."

You ask, "Do you know why you are?"

s>Juspera says, "Because I'm bad."

You frown.

You say, "I wish we could just dispense with words like good and bad for the time being."

s>Juspera whines.

You say, "I think the key to everything is you being able to look inside yourself and understand why you are tempted."

You say, "Do you recall what we were told....."

s>Juspera says, "Because Lornonites lie and say whatever they think will tempt you most to go over."

s>Juspera squirms.

You say, "Some do."

You say, "But...it is not them tempting you, tis something within you."

s>signal When we were working our way through the Council, they talked a great deal about dark and light.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera quietly says, "I did a bad thing."

s>Juspera glances at you.

>You cock your head at Juspera.

You ask, "What bad thing?"

s>Juspera says, "No, no, go on."

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>signal You recall those lessons?
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Juspera shakes her head.

s>signal Everyone has both darkness and light within them...there is a balance to be maintained.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera snorts.

s>signal If we never face and understand our own darkness, then we are not in control of ourselves. We leave something there, lurking.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera idly scratches herself on the neck.

s>Juspera signals, "I don't think there's a balance to be maintained. But facing darkness... all right."

s>signal Fair enough. Though I believe a great deal in the balance
.Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

s>signal If we do not face and understand our inner darkness, it can creep up on us in unexpected ways.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>signal But if we look too deeply and become enamored with the darkness, we can fall into it and it embraces us.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera signals, "Yeah... but I do... I know I get angry... and I did bad things in the past."

s>Juspera fidgets.

s>Juspera nods to you.

s>signal We have all done bad things, some worse than others. But tis what we do about that, that really counts in the end.
Juspera acknowledged your signal.

s>Juspera signals, "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. You understand now. I'm trying to make up for all of it."

s>You say, "I was just thinking about that in regards to you mentioning being tempted."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Juspera asks, "Do you think it's all right to be tempted, as long as you don't do anything?"

You say, "Everyone is tempted."

You say, "To deny that would be folly."

s>Juspera slowly empties her lungs.

s>Juspera rubs a soft rose petal.

You say, "You know...once long ago...."

You say, "I was unhappy and felt...."

You ponder.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

You say, "Well I am not sure betrayed is the right word..."

You say, "But when we were told the story of Leya for the first time....before anything in detail was known about her..."

s>Juspera nods to you.

You say, "I was so disappointed."

You say, "I do not mean just a little bit."

You say, "I mean it struck deep. I felt I could not admire her, and that she was some..."

You clear your throat.

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Juspera glances at you.

Juspera asks, "Two-bit hussy?"

s>You say, "I felt that she was some wimp, not worthy of respect."

s>Juspera grins.

s>Juspera nods.

s>You say, "Er nay."

You elbow Juspera in the ribs in a playful sort of way.

s>Juspera coughs.

s>Juspera says, "Sorry."

s>Juspera says, "I don't know why I said that."

You glance at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Things just come out of my mouth sometimes."

Juspera says, "It's not my fault."

s>You say, "At the time I was training to become a priestess with Chrisalys."

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "The final rite for me to become a priestess was a commune. It was up to me to design the ritual and determine the purpose of it."

s>Juspera rubs her chin thoughtfully.

You say, "She said the prayer as I was not well enough trained, but it was my ritual."

You shift your weight.

You say, "The ritual was an act of pure stupidity on my part."

s>Juspera blinks.

Juspera asks, "Oh?"

You say, "Oh aye."

s>You nod.

You say, "I issued a challenge."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "Between Leya and the Huntress, for one of them to claim me."

You slap yourself on the forehead! Doh!

s>Juspera says, "Wow."

s>Juspera says, "That's creative."

s>Juspera asks, "What happened?"

You say, "Oh it was creative."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera starts chuckling at you!

You say, "Well I was killed by a mammoth arachnid and my corpse dragged around Icemule...but that is not really the point."

Juspera says, "Goodness."

You say, "Tis a very embarrasing incident in my past."

You say, "I only bring it up rarely."

s>Juspera says, "I guess I am like that too."

You say, "The point was though....I had some terrible doubts, lack of faith and a very poor understanding of the gods to ever even do such a thing."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Juspera nods to you.

You say, "Most of all, I had lost an understanding not only of Leya, but myself as well."

s>Juspera asks, "Oh?"

You say, "I was looking for an answer out there, and I was looking in the wrong place."

s>Juspera says, "Hm."

You tap yourself on the chest.

You say, "The answer is in here."

s>Juspera squints.

You say, "If you feel tempted by something, then you must look within."

You say, "The answers are not out there."

(Danay makes a sweeping gesture with her hand)

s>Juspera says, "But what is inside us is so grey. When you deal only with what's inside, there's no point of reference."

s>Juspera says, "It's all relative."

s>Juspera says, "I hate that."

s>Juspera says, "It's not right."

You say, "Then you seek within to find your anchor."

You say, "Leya was my anchor, but I had forgotten it."

s>Juspera says, "But an anchor within is like... well, like keeping your anchor inside your boat. You're anchored all right, but you're drifting all over."

You chuckle at Juspera.

s>Juspera shifts her weight.

You say, "I do not agree with that, but I must say it was a delightful analogy."

s>Juspera blushes a delicate shade of pink.

s>Juspera says, "Thank you."

You say, "If you are anchored within, you can stand firm, because you KNOW."

You say, "Think about if someone is trying to drag you by the arm."

s>Juspera says, "Uh huh."

You say, "If you center yourself and stand strong, they cannot budge you."

s>Juspera says, "Yeah..."

s>You say, "If you are looking around, distracted, they can probably yank you around."

s>Juspera sighs.

s>Juspera says, "I will agree that I could be more settled inside myself."

You nod to Juspera.

You say, "That has to come first."

s>Juspera glances at a soft rose petal.

s>Juspera says, "I just don't know how to do that."

You say, "I was not a good servant of Leya until I settled that within myself."

You say, "Aye, well...that is difficult."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

You say, "You need to learn to listen to what your heart is telling you, learn to understand how you feel, without being distracted by what others are saying you do or should feel."

s>Juspera whimpers.

You cock your head at Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Eryael said if I let go, I would be good. Not anyone else's good."

s>Juspera says, "My own good."

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera bites her lip.

You say, "I disagree with what he thinks is good, but he is right that if you finally let go and truly know yourself, you will find some sort of peace."

s>Juspera says, "That's what he said."

s>Juspera asks, "You say I don't have to join him to do it?"

You say, "Nay."

You say, "In fact, I do not think you should really be joining anyone."

You say, "Until you know what you truly want."

s>Juspera furrows her brow.

s>Juspera exclaims, "I know what I want!"

You say, "And I guess that is what I started out trying to say hours ago."

s>Juspera says, "Just..."

s>Juspera sighs.

You ask, "Just?"

s>Juspera says, "Everyone is always confusing me."

You nod to Juspera.

Juspera says, "In the morning things are clear, and by evening it's all muddy again."

s>You say, "So stop listening to them."

s>Juspera blinks.

You say, "Do not listen to me, not Mnar, not Alisaire, not Siwas."

You say, "Listen to yourself."

s>Juspera says, "I don't know anything though."

You say, "You do though, you are not giving yourself credit for knowing."

You say, "What I see...."

You say, "You have these labels you use."

s>Juspera leans forward.

You say, "You have labeled yourself as A Bad Person."

You say, "You have this label you want to use, A Good Person."

s>Juspera says, "Uh huh."

You say, "The labels are meaningless at this point."

s>Juspera says, "That's what you say."

You say, "You are the kind of person you feel and act to be."

You say, "I am a basically good person. I make bad mistakes at times."

s>Juspera nods to you.

You say, "Sometimes I am confused about what is right to do."

You say, "Confusion is not all bad either."

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "I am actually greatly confused these days."

s>Juspera grins.

You say, "So knowing I am confused, I decided I might need to take a bit of time and think things through."

s>Juspera nods.

You say, "Right now I am not sure I will come up with answers."

You grin at Juspera.

s>Juspera blinks.

s>Juspera says, "That would be awful."

You say, "But that is all right though, because I still know who *I* am."

s>Juspera says, "Oh."

You say, "I think."

You grin at Juspera.

s>Juspera splutters.

s>Juspera put a soft rose petal in her cloak.

You say, "I have gone through several painful things in the last two years."

s>Juspera frowns at you.

You say, "But one thing that I came out of it all with, was a better understanding of myself."

You cock your head at Juspera.

You ask, "What?"

s>Juspera says, "Just... sad for you."

You sigh.

s>You nod.

You say, "Some of it has been very sad."

(Danay has a brief look of yearning on her face, then it is gone again)

s>(Juspera quirks her mouth, poking at her bootlaces.)

You say, "Just be Juspera, not what the world wants Juspera to be."

s>Juspera whimpers.

s>Juspera says, "I don't want to be Juspera."

You say, "You are stuck with her, just as I am stuck with me."

You grin at Juspera.

s>Juspera bites her lip.

s>Juspera says, "Yeah, but you're not a thief and a... torturer."

You say, "You do not have to be either."

You say, "Unless that is who you feel you are."

s>Juspera fidgets.

s>Juspera says, "I try so hard to be good. I'm just not very good at it."

You say, "Because I keep thinking you keep trying to get your definition of good from other people."

s>Juspera says, "Other people are what know about it."

You wave your hand in a dismissive gesture.

You ask, "What do they really know?"

s>Juspera says, "Scholars and priests."

s>Juspera whines.

s>Juspera says, "They do all the studying."

You say, "Scholars are often amoral."

You say, "And priests and priestess are only mortal. Some might know, others only think they do."

s>Juspera sighs.

s>Juspera says, "My head is in a fog."

You nod to Juspera.

You kiss Juspera on the forehead.

s>Juspera blushes a delicate shade of pink.

s>Juspera says, "I need sleep."

You smile.

You nod to Juspera.

s>Juspera says, "Thank you for talking with me."

Juspera stands up.

s>You say, "I could do with some myself."

Juspera grins.

s>You stand back up.

You say, "I hope even if I have not helped, that I did not make things worse."

>Juspera says, "No, not made things worse."

>Juspera curtsies to you.

You smile at Juspera.

You say, "Sleep well Juspera."

>Juspera says, "And you."

>Juspera waves.

>You nod.

Juspera just went south.